An Artidote Post…

Posted: May 20, 2017 in Blah Blah

My therapist told me something meaningful yesterday. She said:”It’s important to remember that when you’re depressed you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentle towards yourself. Just like an athlete wouldn’t break an ankle then force themselves to run that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think ‘I am a failed athlete,’ they think, ‘right now something isn’t working so i’ll take care of myself until it does.’ 

Just like a broken bone, depression can change the way your daily life plays out, and pushing yourself too hard and getting frustrated when you don’t feel better is just like trying to run on that broken ankle and getting frustrated when it doesn’t heal.”

—jellie-bells 

artwork by traitspourtraits

I need…

Posted: May 14, 2017 in Blah Blah

… to breathe.

I’m Learning To Be Still

Posted: March 15, 2017 in Blah Blah

Source: thoughtcatalog.com (by Marisa Donelly) 

Nothing stays the same—this is what I’ve discovered in growing up. And of course I knew this, but I continually fight it. I want to understand. I want to make sense of what is happening around me. I want to know where I’m headed and see beyond the present. I want to go and go and go and rush and take everything in, taste it, spin it around in my mind until I get dizzy.

But something I’m learning is how to slow down.

Something I’m learning is how to be still.

I’m learning to quiet the rushing thoughts in my head. I’m learning to close my eyes and breathe deeply, smell the earth, the sky, the hint of flowery perfume, the bagel shop down the street, the cotton of clean clothes, the sticky-sweet fruit from the outdoor market.

I’m learning to let life happen—to me and around me—and smile, even through the storm. I’m learning that you cannot have answers held in the palm of your hand or written somewhere on a sheet of scrap paper, ready to be pulled from your pocket and read when life seems to stray from its path.

I’m learning that sometimes what you know will drastically change, and you will only exhaust yourself trying to keep up, trying to run when you’re only meant to walk, trying to make people love you when they’re meant to be set free.

I’m learning to be still.

I’m learning to close my eyes and slow down time, make a moment stay, instead of letting it so quickly fade into a memory. I’m learning to relish in the present, to hold onto it for as long as I can and quit looking ahead to the next adventure, next thing, next item on my list.

I’m learning that I cannot rush—my decisions, God’s plans, or the feelings written on someone else’s heart. I do not have control of this; I must trust, let go, and let life play out.

I am a character in the movie, not a director, not the one who can rewrite the script or know what’s coming, no matter how hard I try to. And I am learning to trust in this.

I’m learning to stand on solid ground and quit fighting the natural course of events, quit being so damn stubborn when what I think should happen doesn’t, or when what does doesn’t match up with my pre-written plan in the slightest.

I’m learning that stillness doesn’t mean a perfect life, but it does give me peace. And I’m learning that when I stop running wild, stop letting myself be pulled in three different directions, stop thinking I have to know everything—I am in-tune with the people around me, stronger in my faith, and more focused on the people and things that really matter.

I’m learning that when I am still I am not static, but strong. I am prepared. I am whole and have regained my sense of self. I’m learning that when I am still, I am not looking at what’s to come, but celebrating what is, and ready for whatever God has planned for me next.

I am learning that life is even more beautiful when I stop trying to have the answers, when I stop trying to write my own path, when I stop trying to continually be something, be somewhere, and instead just be.

I’m learning to be still.

Random Musings

Posted: October 6, 2016 in Arts & Crafts, Hobbies & Leisure, Life

Sometimes I just want to stare at paintings all day and get lost in them. I feel like I want to get sucked in it and feel the vibrancy of colors and the passion from which it was made.

Sometimes I feel this squeeze in my heart when I look at a painting, as if it was grabbing my soul. 

Chaol

Posted: September 9, 2016 in Blah Blah

“You do not get to pick and choose which parts of her to love.”- Excerpt from “Queen of Shadows.” 

Escape

Posted: August 12, 2016 in Blah Blah

“How do you tell people? How do you tell them that you’re exhausted even though you slept for 10 hours? How do you tell them that you need a break from talking and smiling and simply being near them? How do you tell them that although you love them, you so desperately need to be alone tonight?”

—reality-escape-artist
#LateNightThoughts 

Night Sky

Posted: August 1, 2016 in Books
Tags:

“I painted stars and the moon and clouds and just endless, dark sky. I never knew why. I rarely went outside at night—usually, I was so tired from hunting that I just wanted to sleep. But I wonder … I wonder if some part of me knew what was waiting for me. That I would never be a gentle grower of things, or someone who burned like fire—but that I would be quiet and enduring and as faceted as the night. That I would have beauty, for those who knew where to look, and if people didn’t bother to look, but to only fear it … Then I didn’t particularly care for them, anyway. I wonder if, even in my despair and hopelessness, I was never truly alone. I wonder if I was looking for this place—looking for you all.”

Excerpt From: Sarah J. Maas. “A Court of Mist and Fury.” 

nightsky